wedding party

The Couple
Ken Wolcott & Jenni Cappella


Q) How did you two meet and begin to date?
A) A friend brought Jenni to Ken’s Robert Palmer themed birthday party as a hired date to try to make another friend jealous. Four and a half years later, that same first friend recommended Jenni learn to ride a bike from Ken, and the two hung out constantly for the next two months. Then one day Ken showed up to Jenni’s house with his coat covered in dog shit and she cooked an amazing duck. They accidentally ended up on a three day long date.

Groomspersons

Best Person – Hank Kelley 

Q) One day I was subjected to listening to the song “Sweet Caroline” once an hour for an entire day. However every time it was played it was actually sung by a crowd of several thousand drunk people at a festival. That day it became the best absolutely worst song. What would you say is your best worst song and why?
A) “Apologize” by Timbaland. For some reason one of my cousins learned to play this on the piano and sometimes all of my cousins sing it together as a family. It’s super weird but very fun and satisfying to have the whole family sing it.

Q) What town did the bride grow up in?
A) Bah Hawhbah! (correct answer is Pelham NH. The Bride’s mother grew up in Bar Harbor and several relatives are buried on the island. Points for amazing listening skills and remembering this fact tho!).

Q) In our solar system, which planet has the shortest day?
A) Idk man. 🌎? (correct answer is Jupiter)

Andru Damaske 

Q) Would you rather be a centaur or a griffin and why?
A) centaur  as I saw one save Harry Potter one time. EDIT: I refine previous answer to possessed centaur.

Q) What is the groom’s favorite season?  
A) After careful thought, I must say autumn

Q) What igneous rock has a density less than water?
A) Pumice! You are taking me back to my science Olympiad/rock hound days

Patrick Gubry 

Q) What’s your favorite and least favorite condiment?
A) I’m not a big condiments guy, but fav is soy sauce, least is BBQ sauce

Q) What would the bride choose as her last meal?
A) Hmm, like something gamey or clams?

Q) Filipino First Lady Imelda Marcos was famous for her very large collection of what?
A) Shoes I think, that guess is without google

Monte Kamps 

Q) What’s the first band you ever regretted getting into?
A) Waist band

Q) Has the groom ever seen a ghost or had a paranormal experience?
A) Yes (correct answer is the groom specifically believes “No, and neither has anybody else.”)

Q) What gives red blood cells their color?
A) Rust from iron (correct answer is Hemoglobin)

Ryan Kirshke 

Q) What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done as a young child?
A) I jumped in the deep end of a pool at my brother’s hockey banquet well before I learned how to swim, and my mom had to jump in fully clothed to rescue me

Q) If the groom could be eat one food for the rest of his life what would it be?
A) cosmic brownies (groom would have also accepted nutty buddy bars as an answer)

Q) What element did Joseph Priestley discover in 1774?
A) oxygen

Steven Wiltse 

Q) If animals could talk which animal do you personally know that you think would be the most annoying?
A) My mother-in-law’s mutt Zoe. She thinks she’s too fancy to poop outside like the rest of her kind.

Q) What’s the bride’s favorite genre of music to listen to?
A) Electro-synth pop (correct answer is be suicidal folk)

Q) Cinco de Mayo celebrates the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over France in what battle?
A) Is this a riddle? I googled this after but didn’t want to cheat. I probably would’ve said something like Juarez before I looked. (correct answer is Battle of Puebla)

Bridesmaids


Maid of honor – Loren Czaplicki 

Q) Describe your life in three different words all beginning with the letter Z.
A) Zesty, zymotic, zygomorphic

Q) Is your zodiac sign friendship compatible with the groom’s zodiac sign? What is yours and theirs?
A) Yes. Leo, sag

Q) Which bird has eyes that are larger than its brain?
A) ostrich

Kristie Garland 

Q) What’s the most depressing meal you have cooked for yourself?
A) Ramen noodles

Q) What was the groom’s first declared major in college?  
A) Art History? ( correct answer is Physics.)

Q) Of the original six space shuttle missions, which never flew a mission in space?
A) the challenger (correct answer is the enterprise)

Holli Liden 

Q) You are now a nation, design your flag, what are the 3 main things on it representing your nation of you?
A) Love. Family/Friends. Sugar because sugar is life.

Q) If the bride drinks coffee how do they like it?
A) Trick question? Bride doesn’t drink coffee. But I feel like if she did, she would be a medium roast with a little milk and sugar. Or some crazy fancy flavorings she concocted herself.

Q) Which 1997 action thriller film stars Nicholas Cage, John Cusack, and John Malkovich?
A) ConAir

Natalia Pruchniak 

Q) Curly fries or waffle fries and why?
A) Curly fries! Waffle fries are honestly too crunchy. I like to eat soft things, lukewarm things, bland things. Like an old person. I also enjoy prunes (they’re delicious)

Q) What sports -if any- did the bride play while growing up?
A) I can’t imagine her playing sports growing up, unless it was like a sporty run from the cops…
EDIT: Can I change my answer? I’m changing it to the right one which makes me sound less asshole-ish. Soccer, dance, gymnastics, and Taekwondo.

Q) China’s Terracotta Army depicts the soldiers of which emperor?
A) Terracotta army depicts the soldiers of emperor Qin Shi Huang, Duh! Honestly, if I lived at that time that would have been a fun project. I totally would have taken the emperor up on creating an army of individually unique terracotta soldiers.

Carly Ptak 

Q) What character do you most identify with in the Lord of the rings?
A) I tried to read The Hobbit at least three separate times when I was young, 10 or 11 years old. I WANTED to like it because it seemed high brow, and it was the only book I owned that I never read. But all I remember is that Tolkien described the entrance to Baggins’ tree home for an entire chapter, and I just couldn’t get past it. King’s The Shining was an easier read at that age. Stoker’s Dracula wasn’t as dry at that age. So idk Rudy I guess.

Q) What is the average of the length of time you’ve known each of the wedders?
A) Averages are dumb measurements without a very large sample size because an 11 year average does not clearly reflect the extreme outlier plot point Ken holds on the friend longevity chart.

Q) In Olympic archery, what is the standard distance of the target from the archer?
A) 20 yards seems reasonable, yeah? (correct answer is 70m)

Raquel Schmidt 

Q) What do you find more gross, chewing on a stranger’s toenails or sucking on a stranger’s boogers?
A) Strangers toenails.

Q) Do the bride and groom enjoy watching documentaries?
A) I believe they do

Q) What are the only two countries in South America that do not border Brazil?
A) Chile and Ecuador